He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
