my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
