who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
