ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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