I never want to see another naked old woman again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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