What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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