my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
