Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
