If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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