My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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