i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize