We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
