theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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