She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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