I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
