just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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