I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
high people should be assigned attendants
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
