Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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