So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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