Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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