If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
