Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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