I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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