We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What drink are we having for lunch?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize