I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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