I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
