Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
