You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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