she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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