I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
