Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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