Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
wow bdsm is so cute
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
