My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
