She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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