They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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