Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
