He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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