you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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