she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
