hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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