she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
