evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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