This is not my ceiling
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
