I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
