you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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