I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
