Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
