I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were trust falling into bushes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
