he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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