yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
