Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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