I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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