Pants 0. Shit 1.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
