He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
