I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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