saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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