Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
