bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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