you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
