That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
