I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
