Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
