sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
