we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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