Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
