I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
